Chuigi's Seriously Messed Up Mansion!
by The Great Chicken Miasma
Summary: [COMPLETED!] After getting a strange phone call about winning a contest he never entered, Chuigi sets off on a quest to save Pikario from the evil, dead... prostitutes? Eh, just R&R to find out what's going on!
1. Night of the Drunken Bastards!

_**Authoress' Notes:** Here's "Chuigi's Seriously Messed Up Mansion!" for ya. Enjoy and try not to relate to it. :P

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_**Chuigi's Seriously Messed-Up Mansion!**_

_**Chapter 1:** Night of the Drunken Bastards!_

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SETTING! It was Saturday night! Two brothers had nothing to do! There was unopened booze in the corner! DO THE MATH! 

"Well..." Chuigi slurred, extremely wasted, "I'm extremely wasted! How 'bout you?" he asked Pikario, who just shrugged.

"I need too goe heet uhp sum cheeks!" His much more drunkenly brother somewhat replied!

"What you say?!" Chuigi asked.

"All your base are belong to us!" Pikario shouted randomly.

This is getting boring, so the phone rang! This gave Pikario & Chuigi bad headaches, 'cause they were drunk, so Chuigi politely answered it!

"WHAT THE FREAKIN' HELL DO YOU WANT?! I'M TRYING TO GET DRUNK AND HAVE A HANGOVER HERE!"

"Congratulations, Mr. Chuigi! You've won a mansion in a contest that you never even entered OR heard about! In fact, it was over with, like 60 years ago, before you were even born, but you still won!"

"AWESOME!" Chuigi shouted. Pikario, overhearing the phone, got suspicious and asked Chuigi a serious question of seriousness that either meant life or death!

"...Do we have to pay anything?!"

"NO!" the phone said! "Just come to the mansion in Forever Forest and whoever gets here first, gets a free hot prostitute to play with!"

"SSSSSSAH-WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Pikario & Chuigi shouted, as they ran out the door and into the conveniently-placed Forever Forest!

Unfortunately, Chuigi remembered that he forgot to hang up the phone and went back to do so because their phone bills were murder and he wasn't about to give up his Playboy magazines for something like THAT!

Obviously, Pikario got to the mansion first and he was still drunk, so the freaky-looking mansion looked like a palace to him! Running up to the door, he looked around for a hot prostitute, or at least Peach; either was fine with him!

"Hey! Where's my free prostitute?! I got here first and I didn't even cheat! Chuigi chickened out! The bastard..."

All of a sudden, a bunch of Boos came out and grabbed the very inebriated Pikario, carrying him off to places unknown!

"Ah, 'tis of the coolness! I'm getting kidnapped by DEAD prostitutes! This night just keeps getting better and better!" Pikario exclaimed as he was, uh... STOLEN!

An hour later, Chuigi finally arrived at the freaky-ass mansion because he had passed out after trying to drink 5 bottles of booze at once on his way there!

"Pikario!" he shouted, looking and listening for Pikario to be yelling at the prostitute about how skunks need love too and that government is run by evil monkeys with technology beyond our comprehension! When he heard nothing, he stormed into mansion and threw the doors open! And said...

**"THE GOVERNMENT HAS BEEN TAKEN OVER BY NINTENDO EXACTLY 55 TIMES, AND YOU KNOW IT, PIKARIO! WE WERE THERE!"**

After his brother didn't respond with something like, 'It was all Kirby's fault! He told me wasn't a virgin!', he knew something was wrong!

"Aw, crap!" So, Chuigi ran upstairs! But the door was locked...

"Time to take drastic ACTION!" he shouted as he knocked the door down! "Now, where the hell are you, Pikario?! I wanna vandalize this place, then come back in the morning and kick myself for doing that to a free mansion that I inexplicably won in a contest that was held way back when there probably was no such thing as contests!"

All of a sudden, an ORANGE Haunter came up! And ORANGE pisses Chuigi off cause he hates Halloween, cause he's tried of kids coming to his door, asking him for candy that he bought for himself! So, once again, he took DRASTIC ACTION!

**"SO, YOU THINK YOU CAN LOVE ME AND LEAVE ME TO DIE?!** Chuigi questioned the Haunter, who sweatdropped.

"What?!" It SAID!

Just then, Chuigi began singing the Ghostbusters' theme song and this made the Haunter mad, so he pulled out the one thing the Chuigi was afraid of...

"N-N-N-NOT PANTYHOSE!!!! THOSE THINGS ARE EVIL! ALL UNDERWEAR IS EVILLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! And gay people, too!" Chuigi howled, as the Haunter began to threaten him with the pantyhose of fear and he backed into the wall!

Just as the Haunter was about to force the pantyhose onto Chuigi in an embarrassing fashion, he was pulled by a... SPINDA WITH A VACCUUM! HALLELUJAH!

"Ooh, a penny!" the Spinda exclaimed, as he idiotically let go of the vacuum AND the Haunter to pick up a freakin' penny!

"Damn! Look what you did, you ass!" Chuigi yelled, as three more Haunters appeared! "Forget this! I'm outta here!" And so, Chuigi bolted out the door with the Spinda and his NEW PENNY behind!

Upon reaching outside, Chuigi ran to the nearest house (a shack!) and slammed the door behind him, locking the 1 cent richer Spinda out!

"Hey! Lemme in! This is MY house! I need to pay the rent and with this penny, now I can, so let me in or else this place'll be repossessed!"

Chuigi opened the door and poked his head out. "Really?"

"NO!" The Spinda charged in and locked himself in with a pissed off Pichu!

"Hey! Are you the prostitute?! Cause I can sue you for being a guy and for the deception of an infantile mind!" Chuigi remarked.

"No, I'm Professor E. Gadd!"

"EGAD!" Chuigi said, sarcastically!

"Anyway, your brother's in that mansion, which is haunted by dead Pokemon ghosts and you have to save him from the ghosts and catch them in this contraption; the Poltergeist 3000, which will catch the sprits for you and save yo' brudda and we'll all be happy!"

"Feh!" Chuigi spat. "First off, I don't want to save Pikario! He's a pain in the ass! Second, I need his insurance money! I got bills! Third, dis be muh turf now, so I can do what I want! AND you're trespassing!"

"I still have the deed to this shack, so I'm not breaking any rules! Plus, if you really want some cash, that mansion is chock full of it!"

"I thought you said it was haunted!"

"It is, but ghosts need money, too! So they can... uh...pay people to mess up their house?" E. Gadd lied!

Chuigi scratched his chin and smiled! "You know, that sounds just crazy enough to work! Just imagine; 100 bucks for each ghost I find! I could be a millionaire by morning and I'm still not 100 percent sober, so I'll be 10 times as fun!"

E. Gadd sweatdropped. "Yeah, let's go with that..."

"I'LL DO IT!" So, Chuigi grabbed the Poltergeist 3000 and ran off into mansion, not knowing anything about the vacuum, but then again, he was still drunk, so he probably never would've understood how to use it anyway!

E. Gadd shook his head. "Oh, well." Going back into the shack, he opened his closet door and a prostitute Jolteon steeped out!

"Are they gone?" she asked.

"Yep!"

**(TO BE CONTINUED!)**

**And the moral of this chapter is:**_ If you ever see a prostitute, for the love of God, please shoot it!

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_**Authoress' Notes:** So, uh, that's the end, I guess! Of this chapter, anyway, R&R please, but due to the strict ruling, I don't think I can answer them in the story anymore._


	2. Chauncey is Pwned!

_**Authoress' Notes:** Well, I'm SUPER bored right now, so I'll just go ahead with story right here bleh, lol. BTW, in order to keep up with Chuigi, I'll list his currnet location before he does anything. Ok, start the creepy story!_

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**Chuigi's Seriously Messed-Up Mansion!**

_**Chapter 2:** Chauncey is Pwned!_

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**_Da Fisrt Floor!_**

**Teh Foyer!**

Chuigi walked... uh stumbled into the Foyer because he was still a little intoxicated! He looked around and groaned.

"Aw, damn it! The lights, are like, out and stuff!" So, Chuigi stumbled around until he bumped into Shroomish, whining his head off about something.

"OH WOE IS ME! PEACH WILL BE PISSED!" he wailed.

Chuigi scratched his hat. "About what? Us getting drunk? Yeah, she said to lay off it..."

Shroomish jumped up! "Ah! Chuigi! Did you find Pikario?!"

"No, and I don't give a Koopa's ass if I never do," he replied, bluntly. Shroomish's lip started to quiver.

"PLEASE! HELP ME FIND HIM! PEACH SAID SHE IS VERY HORNY! AND IF SHE DOESN'T FIND HIM SOON, SHE SAID SHE'D DO IT WITH WHOEVER'S STANDING CLOSEST TO HER!!!" he shouted.

"Fine. Whatever. Just shut up; booze and loud noises don't mix and when they do, the results are usually very... ungood..."

"Ok!" Shroomish stopped crying. "Want me to save your game?!"

Chuigi sweatdropped. "WHAT game? Wait... OH! I got it! I'm a drunk bastard now! It's all a free ride to hell..."

"...the fuck?" Shroomish decidede to save Chuigi's 'game' anyway and he sent him upstairs. "Now go do something useful while I stand around here and cry!" With that, he left.

Chuigi, who was totally out of it, replied with, "Yes, master..."

**_Da Second Floor!_**

**Teh Parlor!**

The next room he entered was dark as well and a lot of PURPLE candles were lit and shit! Chuigi snapped out of his trance!

"Aw, sweet! Purple candles!" He jumped onto one of the tables. "I'm gonna put these in my room and make Pikario jealous... if I ever ACCIDENTALLY find him!" So, Chuigi took the purple candle things, but then, the paintings nearby started shaking!

"Bleh heh!" One shouted. "Hey! Where are my cough drops?!"

"Whee hee!" Another one called out. "I think the ghosts have them!"

"Damn it!" the first one cussed.

"Ha!" A third chimed in. "You guys are such losers!"

Chuigi sweatdropped. "Yeah, I'm really trippin' now; talking paintings are the shit..."

All of a sudden, 5 Haunters came out of the wall, laughing and shit! Chuigi got annoyed at all their laughing and sucked them up in his vacuum! He didn't even have to use the flashlight!

With all the ghosts defeated, Chuigi watched as a small chest appeared in the middle of the floor. He smiled.

"Damn, this just keeps getting better and better..."

Opening the chest, he found a key!

**EVERYBODY LIMBO!**

After that was over with, he opened a nearby door that was locked and found himself to be in yet, ANOTHER dark room!

**Teh Anteroom!**

"No one pays the light bill around here..." Chuigi assumed as, like, 6 more Haunters came out of the wall. Chuigi sucked them up, the lights came on, he got the chest key and did the electric slide. _Mazl Tov._

Anyway, he went into yet, **ANOTHER** dark room with the key!

**Teh Wardrobe Room!**

"Damn ghosts! If you wanna scare somebody, TURN THE FUCKING LIGHTS ON!" Chuigi shouted as a Gengar appeared! With bananas, I might add!

"SHHHHHHHH!" It shushed, swing its fruit around, dropping it all over the place. "Ta bananas...tey weel KEEL you, man!" It obviously had a strong Jamacian accent!

"What the fuck?! Gimme those!" Chuigi yanked the fruit away and sucked up the Gengar, along with more Haunters and occasionally Gastlys.

Afterwards, Chuigi thought he saw a golden banana on top of the clothes rack, but it was just another damn key to another damn door. Damn.

**Teh Balcony!**

Chuigi stepped outside and took a breath of fresh air, only to choke on it becuase it reeked of recently-cooked anuses for some reason.

"WAH! Help me, Pikario!" Another Shroomish nearby bawled.

Chuigi rolled his eyes. "Not again! Don't you guys have something better to do?!"

Shroomish sniffled. "Well, not really..."

Just then the lights came on! Seeing this, Shroomish smiled and offered to save Chuigi's game!

**HRWEUIOYF4WE80IGTHWRIHJWEGTUDFLETSEATTHEPIECEOFCHEESE... SAVED!**

"Well, I'm out," Chuigi went back through the door.

**Teh Foyer (Again)!**

Chuigi stood at the locked door near the far left of Teh Foyer. "I guess the key goes here!"

Then,** OH NO! **Chuigi's Game Boy Horror went off!

Yanking it out, Chuigi frowned. "What the...?! Is it time to play?!"

E. Gadd's swirly face came on the screen, a Jolteon sitting in the background. "Hey, Chuigi! There are some really hard...um...GHOSTS! Yeah... and stuff ahead and there were once my paintings and stuff... so, you have to catch them, cause... yeah... Anyway, bye!"

Chuigi put away the contraption, sweatdropping. "Whatever..."

**Teh Hallway!**

So, he went thorugh the door and saw some coins!

"Oh, hell yeah! Moolah!" So Chuigi went along following the coins until they led to a door. "There must a million dollars behind this!" So, he opened the door, only to to smashed against the wall! OUCH!

"Hee hee hee..." someone snickered.

Chuigi jumped up and looked around in anger. "Who dares laugh at me?! Damn, I lost the money!" he realized his coins disappearing into midair! GASP!

Annoyed and extremely pissed off, Chuigi ran back to the first door at the beginning of Teh Hallway and went in. "Who laughed?!" he demanded.

**Teh Study!**

Even though no one answered, the rocking chair in the middle of the room slowly rocked back and forth for some reason. Chuigi ignored it though, assuming it was just the booze again.

The Pichu turned around and rubbed his chin. "Maybe it's just me... Yeah, that right! IT'S JUST ME!"

Unexpectedly, a ghostly Alakazam appeared in the rocking chair, reading a Playboy magazine!

Chuigi turned around and sweatdropped. "You have _got_ to be kidding me..."

"Eh, after 50 years of perverted masturbating, it's just not working anymore..." the Alakazam yawned.

**"You sick bastard!"** Chuigi shouted, whipping out the P-3000, which was the name HE gave the Poltergeist 3000! "You don't appreciate naked women, do you?!"

"What the... HEY! Are you a spy?! Damn Lydia! She doesn't trust me?! The great Neville?! I shall kill her... AGAIN!" Neville barked, throwing one of his spoons at Chuigi, who of course, got mad.

"Die... uh, AGAIN, scum!" Chuigi shouted.

And die again Neville did, as the P-3000 totally pwned his ass!

Chuigi also picked up all the pretty (and valuable) pearls Neville had dropped... along with his spoon, the key in thechest,and the porno magazine.

**Teh Hallway!**

Stepping out of Teh Study, Chuigi proceeded down Teh Hallway, looking for this so-called 'Lydia's' room; she could very well be the prositute he was looking for!

**Teh Master Bedroom!**

To his disappointment, Chuigi walked into the last door of Teh Hallway to see a ghostly Gardevoir in front of a mirror, brushing her green hair.

"Aw, she's no prostitute! She's dead!" Chuigi groaned.

Hearing Chuigi, Lydia smirked. "I may be dead now, but back in my day, I was one of the greatest prostitutes ever seen! Anyway, don't bug me; I'm trying to fix my hair for more flaunting."

Walking over to Lydia, Chuigi tried to suck her up, but it didn't work!

Lydia chuckled. "No one shall bug me! Not even if you pull back that window and let the wind come in!"

"Well, shit! It's worth a try!" Chuigi yanked the raggedy curtain off the window, letting wind blow through the broken window, obviously disturbing Lydia.

"Damn it, Neville!" She walked, uh, floated over to the window. "When you say you're going to fix something, DO IT!"

Chuigi nonchalantly flipped the P-3000 on and caught Lydia, but not as a Trainer would, mind you! Then he got up the pearls, found some money, a chest with another key in it, and the broke the other window!

**Teh Hallway!**

Upon leaving the room, Chuigi's ear twicthed as some awful screeching noise came from another door down Teh Hallway!

"All right! An awful NC-17 rated movie!" Chuigi assumed, racing over the door and opening it with the key.

**Teh Nursery!**

Unfortunately, there was no TV in the room, hence, no awful NC-17 rated movie, but there WAS a rocking Ponyta!

"Sweet! A Ponyta!" Chuigi hopped onto the wooden Fire Horse, thinking it was the real thing! He rocked wildly on the toy, so hard in fact, that the entire thing flipped over!

"Aw, damn!" Chuigi frowned. "It died!"

As if things couldn't get any worse, a ghastly baby Ralts appeared out of nowhere!

"Hey, you! You're a baby like me! Wanna play?" he asked, sucking on a baby bottle.

"NO, and I'm not a baby!" Chuigi bellowed, pointing to the incapacitated rocking Ponyta. "My horse just died! This is no time to be playing!!!"

"That'sMY horse, bitch!" the Ralts growled, throwing... EVIL TEDDIURSA DOLLSAT CHUIGI! AHHHHHH!

Jumping out of the way, Chuigi grabbed a beach ball. "Damn you, horse-wanter! It was mine! Now, take this!" He threw the ball, but it went right through the Ralts!

The Ralts laughed. "HA! None shall defeat the son of Neville and Lydia; THE GREAT CHAUNCEY!!!!!!!"

Chuigi stood still... then started laughing. "Chauncey?! _Chauncey?!_ Aw, crap! What a sissy name! **CHAUNCEY!** HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ooh, really scary, _**Chauncey**_! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"Don't make fun! Okay, that's IT! You grow small, tiny, little, low, minute, minuscule, itsy-bitsy..."

"All right! I get it already!" Chuigi threw another ball, completely missing Chauncey.

The next thing he knew, Chuigi WAS small! And in Chauncey's crib! And Chauncey was huge! Of course, this didn't phase Chuigi at all. As far as he was concerned, this was all just another one of his hallucinations.

"Now," Chauncey's voice boomed. "DIE!"

Rocking Pontyas and bouncing balls went everywhere while Chuigi just stood still, enjoying this paticular 'hallucination' of his!

"Ah, that was fun, but now it's getting boring!" Chuigi sucked up a ball and threw it at Chauncey, knocking him out and becoming normal again!

Like with his parents, Chuigi sucked up Chauncey in the P-3000 and a big-ass chest appeared!

...With a big-ass key inside! **HUZZAH!**

Then, the GBH rang again! Of course, it was E. Gadd.

"Hey! Chuigi! Great job with all the ghosts and shit! Come back to my lab and let us celebrate!"

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About an hour later, Chuigi and E. Gadd were back in the shed, watching TV, with the Jolteon (Priss, E. Gadd called her) serving them orange soda!

"So," E. Gadd started, "Chuigi, I've put the portriatghosts you caught through the Ghost Portaitfrconizer... Thing... and now, they're pictures again! WAHAHA!"

"Whatever," Chuigi mumbled, too busy watching TV.

**_Meanwhile..._**

Pikario looked around and frowned. "What the fuck is this?! I'm sober?! Damn, I must've slept it away... Oh, well; at least there's no hangover this time."

"Ah, Pikario," King Boo smilied.

"What?!" Pikario questioned.

"You are trapped here! You can't escape from my painting! I pwn joo!" the King declared gleefully.

Pikario sweatdropped. "What kind of shit am I in now?"

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_**Authoress' Notes:**XD And that's all she wrote! ...For now, anyway. Trust me, the next chapter won't really be as long. I just wanted to get the first Area out of the way, since there was so little to do in it. So, keep those Reviews coming and I will update some other stuff later! So long for now!_


	3. The Mansion That Once and Probably Still...

**_Authoress' Notes:_** _Ah, here it is! Chapter 3 of **"Chuigi's Seriously Messed Up Mansion!"** I've decided to put each each Area into a Chapter, like a reviwer suggested, meaning the story might be over by Chapter 5... Aw... Oh, well, have fun with it while you can._

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_**Chuigi's Seriously Messed-Up Mansion!**_

_**Chapter 3:** The Mansion That Once and Probably Still Does Belong to Chuigi!_

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**_Da First Floor!_**

After taking a break in E. Gadd's shack, Chuigi was ready to go out and face the world! ...Well, not really...

"Ok... lesse..." Chuigi took Chauncey's Big Pink Key Thing and unlocked the door leading into the second area! YAY!

**Area Two!**

**Teh Hallway!**

Chuigi looked around and sighed. "Why the hell is it always so damn dark around here?"

Annoyed, Chuigi walked down the hallway, trying to open any door he happened to find, but they were all locked! Damn!

Chuigi suddenly had the urge to pee! It was probably because he had drank so much orange juice while he was at E. Gadd's! Fortunately, Chuigi found teh Bathroom near the end of teh Hallway! Sweet!

**Teh Bathroom!**

As soon as Chuigi walked in, he was bombarded with Duskulls!

**"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"** One shouted! "Fear us, little man! **FEAR USSSSSSSSSSSS!"**

Chuigi didn't have time to be scared, but the ghost **_did_** surprise him, causing him to pee on one of the random Duskulls! How gross and cool at the same time!

The Duskull shook himself off! "Aw, **_WHAT THE HELL?_** Morty, you said he'd shit himself, not squirt on us!"

Another Duskull sweatdropped. **"RUN AWAY!"**

Then, they, like, disappeared!

"Eh," Chuigi got the random key that was on the floor, then he left! At he didn't have to go anymore now!

**Teh Hallway!**

Walking down teh Hallway, Chuigi put the key in the lock of the first door the that had run into! And look! The door opened!

**Teh Ball Room!**

The very second Chuigi stepped inside, creepy porno music started playing... **AND IT SOUNDED LIKE IT WAS COMING FROM THE WALLS!**

Chuigi shook his head. "What the hell? Creepy? There's no such thing as creepy porno music! **IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"**

"Oh, no it's not!" Someone responded!

"Eh?"

Chuigi looked ahead in the ridicously dark room just to see the ghosts of a Nidoking** AND** a Nidoqueen dancing in the middle of the floor! It was creepy! **REALLY** creepy!

The Nidoking turned about! "Ah, yes! We shall dance! **AND DANCE!** Then... um..."

"Dance?" the Nidoqueen added, sweatdropping.

**_"...YEAH! THAT, TOO!"_** he continued twirling around!

To make things even worse, Shy Guys ghosts appeared out of nowhere and started doing the Cha-Cha Slide!

Chuigi frowned! "This is stupid!"

Going over to a light switch, he flipped it on, stunning the Floating Whirlindas and making the Shy Guy ghosts disappear!

"Oh, dear! Who turned on the lights?** THE FLOATING WHIRLINDAS ALWAYS DANCE IN THE DARK! It's more sexy that way!"** the Nidoking roared!

Ignoring his question, Chuigi sucked up the Nidos, surprised that they both counted as 1 ghost instead of 2!

"Wow, that must mean they're really close to each other... **HOW SICKENING!"** Chuigi grumbled, taking the key out of the chest that came out of nowhwere!

**Teh Storage Room!**

Walking in the room, Chuigi saw the room was dark and full of ghosts... yawn. He sucked them up and the lights came on. Yay.

Then, Chuigi saw a button on the wall that read, **"DANGER! DO NOT PUSH! HEY YOU! DON'T PUSH THE DAMN BUTTON! I THOUGHT I JUST SAID, 'DON'T PUSH!' SHIT! GET AWAY FROM HERE! DDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR! CAN YOU READ?'!"**

Too drunk to read, Chuigi pushed the button anyway, **WHOOPS!**

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! The room expanded and showed a thing in the floor and a poster on the wall with a Boo on it!

Once again, Chuigi was too drunk to read and see that it said, '**LOOK, I TOLD YOU LAST TIME NOT TO PUSH THE DAMN BUTTON, BUT YOU DID, YOU ASS! DON'T DO IT AGAIN! NO! STOP! YOU'RE GONNA GET IT! STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS DARK AND SPOOKY! OK, THAT'S IT! FORGET YOU! GO AHEAD AND PUSH! AND SUFFERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!'** so he pushed it!

**_KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!_**

The thing in the middle of the floor opened up and **_BOOS CAME FLYING OUT! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_**

Of course, Chuigi wasn't phased, so he just stood there and looked at all the crazy flying Boos all over the place!

**"MWAHAHAHAHAHA! WE ISH FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"**

**"YEAH, AND THERE'S CHUIGI! LET'S MAKE HIM SHIT THE FLOOR! IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!"**

**"BUT, WAIT! IT'S THAT...SUCKING THING! RUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"**

And just like that, all the Boos were gone!

"...well, shit," Chuigi mumbled.

Then, E. Gadd called! And he was pissed! Well, kinda...

"Holy shit, Chuigi! Those Boos took Pikario, I think... Why didn't you catch them?" he asked!

"I was sidetracked! One of them had a gun!" Chuigi lied!

**_"REALLY?"_** Gadd was surprised!" Damn! Quick! Back to the lab!"

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So, Chuigi was magically transported to the shack with the powers of nonsense! 

"Hi, Weege," Priss greeted! "The professor said that your GBH can beused to catch Boos! Okay, bye bye!"

And she threw Chuigi all the way back to the mansion!

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**_Da First Floor!_**

**Teh Foyer!**

Chuigi saw Shroomish, but he ignored him and went upstairs!

**_Da Second Floor!_**

Chuigi was upstairs! HOORAY!

**Teh Anteroom!**

Somehow ending up in teh Anteroom, Chuigi saw a Boo!

"What the hell?" Chuigi groaned. "That's it, ghost! YOU DIE NOW... AGAIN!"

So, he sucked up the poor unfortuante Boo thing, then went on to suck up the other ones just cause he was bored! Sometime later, Gadd called!

"Good work, dude! All the Boos you caught are here with me and they're very drunk!" Gadd unformed the Pichu!

"And that's good because...?"

Gadd sweatdropped. "**I DON'T KNOW!** Just go to teh Washroom! I think they have viagra in there!"

Chuigi sped off to the Washroom in Area 2!

**Teh Washroom!**

Sadly, he realised that there was no viagra in there, so he got mad!

"Damn E. Gadd, you little bastard!" Chuigi rampaged!

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" a random Shroomish cried!

Chuigi rolled his eyes! "Not again!"

"Chuigi!" the Shroomish whined. "I was running away from the evil shoes in teh Hallway, so I ran in here and then I dropped something really important in the toilet!"

Chuigi frowned. "Look, man... no matter _**WHAT**_ the hell it was, it's in a better place..."

Shroomish glared at Chuigi. "Dude, I was kidding..."

After a few more minutes of glaring, Chuigi kicked Shroomish in the nuts, then ran off with a key he found behing the toilet!

**Teh Fortune-Teller's Room!**

Walking in, Chuigi took out his flashlight, shining it on something shiny! Thinking it was was money, he ran over to get it! Then, POOF!

"What the hell?" Chuigi backed away!

A ghostly Medicham appeared in the chair!

**_"WOOSH! MWAHAHAHAHA!"_** she laughed! "I am Madame Clairvoya! FEAR ME!"

"How about no? I'm gonna catch you instead," Chuigi replied.

Clairvoya slapped Chuigi! "You can't do that yet! Now, go into the next room, before I kill you, you little pest!

**Teh Mirror Room!**

Realising where he was, Chuigi sweatdropped.

"A room for mirrors? What the fuck?"

So, he killed ghosts and shit, then POW! A box came up! It had the Fire Element Medal!

Then, E. Gadd called! "Hey, Chuigi! That thing you found will let you blow fire now! Okay, bye!"

"Sweet!" Chuigi ran around, setting stuff on fire!

**Teh Fortune-Teller's Room!**

Chuigi busted in and started setting stuff on fire!

Clairvoya got mad and put the fire out! "Hey! Don't be starting that shit up in here!"

"Shaddup!" Chuigi demanded!

"That's it!" Clairvoya threw Chuigi out! "And don't come back!"

**Teh L****aundry Room!**

For no apparent reason,Chuigi kicked a nearby washing machine in annoyance! Then POOF! Pikario's hat flew out!

Chuigi picked it up and frowned at it. "What the hell? Pikario's hat?"

Just then, Chuigi's GBH went off again! Chuigi picked it up, ready to cuss Gadd out but good!

"Chuigi!"

"...Pikario?" Chuigi was confused, yet mad at the same time! "What the hell are you doing calling me? You're supposed to be captured by the evil Boos around here!"

"Shut the hell up, Chuigi!" Pikario barked from the other end of the line. "Look, I'm trapped in this evil mirror thing and King Boo is torturing me!"

"So?" Chuigi scoffed.

Pikario was outraged! "So, my ass! This son of a bitch's making me watch strangly educated shows like **_TELETUBBIES!"_**

"Wow..." Chuigi snorted. "That's tough, but I'm still not saving you!"

**_"DAMN IT, CHUIGI! IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR LITTLE ASS DOWN HERE AND GET RID OF THIS GUY, YOUR HANGOVER WILL BE HELL!" _**Pikario threatened!

"..." Chuigi sweatdropped.

"Well?" Pikario asked.

"Fine, you little fuck, but you better give me those pills when I find you! The last time I had a hangover, I went into a coma for almost 2 weeks! Booze is some powerful shit, man!" Chuigi griped.

Just then, King Boo saw Pikario on the phone! **_"HEY, YOU! GET OFF THE DAMN PHONE! YOU DO KNOW THAT THE VERIZON WIRELESS MAN IS ON THE PROWL TONIGHT, RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT?"_**

"Shit!" So, Pikario hung up!

**Teh Hallway!**

Sometime later, Chuigi was walking around in teh Hallway, when suddenly, he ran into someone!

"Ah, yes," the ghostly Sceptile thought outloud. "I shall one day get Melody into my bed... then we'll go from there! **MWAHAHAHA!"**

"Bitch! Look where you're going!" Chuigi set Shivers on fire!

**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

Shivers ran... uh, floated back to teh Laundry Room, with Chuigi following!

**Teh Butler's Room!**

Chuigi chased Shivers all the way back to his room and cornered him!

"Now, you die!" And Chuigi killed Shivers again by sucking him up!

W00t! Now, that's done! Let's get the key and go somewhere else!Chuigi also found teh Hidden Room, but that's not important right now!

**Teh Conservatory!**

Upon entering, Chuigi saw drums and shit!

"Time to break some stuff!" Chuigi smirked, going around and hitting all the insturments!

When he was done, Melody appeared, playing the piano **_AWFULLY!_**

"Hee hee hee! My, oh my! You have such a way with music!" Melody sang! "Listen to mine!"

She banged on the piano, making some god-awful song, then turned to Chuigi! "Now, what was that?"

Chuigi shrugged. "A musical interlude from hell?"

Melody was happy! "That's right! Yay!"

"..." Chuigi was tiredof music, so he sucked her up! Cue key to another room!

**Teh Dining Room!**

Chuigi covered his nose! "Damn! Smells like shit in here!"

He soon found out why, too! A big, fat Snorlax ghost was at a huge dining table! He had bananas, fruit, meatballs, pizza, ceral boxes, and meatloaf all over the place! **_EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!_**

Walking up to the Snorlax, Chuigi threw the bananas he stole from the Gengar at him! He looked angrily!

**"NOT WHEN I, THE GREAT MR. LUGGS, IS EATING! JUST WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!" **he belched!

"Holy shit!" Chuigi moaned, rubbing meatloaf off his face! "You're going down!"

Chuigi eventually ended up catching Mr. Luggs, but not before getting pwned by a bunch of Fire Blasts from Mr. Luggs! Ouch! It must burn! But, he did get the key and go on!

**Teh Kitchen!**

Chuigi opened the refridgerator and found **_3 DAY OLD OATMEAL! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!_** After that, he saw that a door was a fire! Then, he found the Water Element Medal! Whoopie!

"Hey! That thing lets you squirt water!" Gadd informed Chuigi, then left!

So, Chuigi put the flaming door out and went outside!

**Teh Boneyard!**

"What the fuck?" Chuigi wondered, going out. There was a doghouse! Uh oh!

Chuigi ignored it, though; he never really liked dogs. Instead, he started playing around with his new Water Element Medal!

"The next time I see that crazy Medicham, she's gonna get her ass SOAKED! HAHAHAHAHA!" Chuigi plotted evilly!

All of Chuigi's evil plotting woke up Spooky the Houndoom, and he was a **HOUNDOOM!** Those things are scary! Chuigi's ass is toast for sure, now!

Sppoky chased Chuigi around the Boneyard! "WOOF, BARK, ARF, BOW-WOW! WOOF, BARK, ARF, BOW-WOW!WOOF, BARK, ARF, BOW-WOW! WOOF, BARK, ARF, BOW-WOW! WOOF, BARK, ARF, BOW-WOW! WOOF, BARK, ARF, BOW-WOW! WOOF, BARK, ARF, BOW-WOW! WOOF, BARK, ARF, BOW-WOW! WOOF, BARK, ARF, BOW-WOW!"

"Damn dog! Go lick youself or something! Get away!" Chuigi threw the P-3000 at Spooky, but it didn't work!

Spooky was mad! "WOOF, BARK, ARF, BOW-WOW!"

Just then, Mr. Bones appeared! He was the ghost of the skeleton of a Marowak... Yep, Chuigi is **_totally _**wasted!

**_"SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!"_** Mr. Bones threw a bone at Spooky ad knocked him out!

Chuigi took this to his advantage and sucked up the evil devil dog! There was no key this time! Now what?

Playing around with the GBH, Chuigi somehow ended up somewhere else! **_OMUHGAWD!_**

**Teh Graveyard!**

There's no point in explaining what happened in teh Graveyard! It was way too scary! Let's just say the things that happened included chciken, feet, trees, lizards, condoms, potatos, the GBH, Chuigi's left ear, a hot dog, the Very Old Door Thingy, an evil demon from hell, and a broken mop!

Anyway, Chuigi ended up fighting Bogmire!

"So we meet again, Bogmire!" Chuigi shouted!

Bogmire sweatdropped. "What are you talking about 'again'? I don't even know who the hell you are, so who the hell are you?"

"I'll rip your fucking ankles off!" Chuigi spat!

"I don't have any fucking ankles!" Bogmire protested!

Okay, this is going nowhere, so let's just say Chuigi ended up defeating Bogmire because if he didd't, the story would end here and a lot of people would be pissed at me! Coming back to teh Graveyard, Chuigi got a another big ass key! W00t! And this time, it was green!

Then, E. Gadd called! "Sweet job, Chuigi! Now get your ass back here and let's celebrate!"

"Yeah, yeah..." Chuigi mumbled, leaving!

* * *

Back at the shack, Chuigi and E. Gadd played Super Smash Bros. Melee and Chuigi was winning with Kirby, because I wuv him so much!

"Hey, Chuigi! The ghosts are pictures again!" Gadd said, after killing Samus as Pichu! HA HA!

"..." Chuigi got Kirby to kick Gadd's ass! Yay!

**Teh Secret Chamber of Secretness!**

Pikario shook his head! "I think Po is the cutest!"

King Boo frowned. "No way in hell! Tinky-Winky rules all! **_MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"_**

"Shut up!"

"You!"

_"You!"_

**"YOU!"**

**_"YOU!"_**

**_"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!"_**

**_"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!"_**

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** Okay, that's it! I didn't include the Boos very much because I'm kinda lazy right now... I might do it next Chapter, but I highly doubt it. Anyway, Review and inspire me to make Chapter 4!_


	4. Wherefore Art Thou, Boolossus?

_**Authoress' Notes:** Meh. Nothing much to say except I'm thinking of a new Kirby fic to write. Praise the stars._

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**_Chuigi's Seriously Messed-Up Mansion!_**

_**Chapter 4:** Wherefore Art Thou, Boolossus?**

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**_

_Hooray! We're on Area 3 now! This is where the real shit happens! ...then again, crap like this has been going on all night, in Chuigi's case... Either way, Chuigi took the big-ass green key and opened the door at the end of Area 2!_

**Area 3!**

**Teh Courtyard!**

Chuigi saw a water fountain and got some water! Then, he, like went over to the next door, only to find it was locked!

"Damn it! Where's the fucking key?" Chuigi grumbled, kicking a shack, causing the door to fly open! And a Shroomish was in there!

"Chuigi!" the mushroom whined again!

"What? Why the hell do you guys keep following me?" Chuigi demanded, holding the P-3000 in a threat!

"Eh? What? We're not stalking you! It's not my fault that I got locked in here because I saw Pikario trapped down in the well and I also saw that he dropped some of his items all around the house and that you have one, which is his hat, and he also dropped a whole shitload of other stuff and I didn't pick them up because I was too lazy, so get your ass down that fucking well and suffer, before the plot twist runs out!" Shroomish spilled out the beans, but Chuigi had already left, tired of his ramblings! He went into the well to look for the key!

**Teh Well... OF DOOOOOOOOOOOM!**

"Fucking Shroomish... damn them all! Why won't they leave me alone?" Chuigi grumbled, looking around for a key!

"...what the hell? You bastard! You can't do that!" Pikario's voice could be heard from the next room!

Chuigi's ears perked up! "What?"

_He soon found a small hole in the well, leading into some other room that he had never seen before! Chuigi was just small enough to fit through! Looking around, he saw Pikario in painting and King Boo hovering beside him... and they were both playing **Super Smash Bros. Melee!**_

Pikario threw his controller down! "Damn it! You can't do that! It was my turn!"

King Boo frowned. "The hell it was! You don't take turns on this game!"

Pikario was about to retort, but he then saw Chuigi's head poking through the wall! "Chuigi!"

King Boo turned around! "What? Hey, you're not supposed to be in here yet!"

"Shit!" So, Chuigi ran away, somehow finding a key and going back into the house!

**Teh Rec Room!**

Chuigi shook his head. "So, that's where Pikario is... Hmmm, I'll make sure not to go there!"

"Silence, you little mousy thing! I'm trying to work, here!" Biff Atlas barked from across the room!

"Who're you calling little?" Chuigi kicked Biff in the nuts, then sucked him up, getting a key, a Boo, and a DVD player!

**Teh Hallway!**

Chuigi went upstairs to do more shit! Upon arriving, he saw yet another door on fire! He had some water in the P-3000, so he put it out and went in!

**Teh Tea Room!**

Chuigi looked around in the room, sucked up some ghosts, a Boo, and some evil, possessed dishes! He then accidentally stepped on some switch got got him upside on the ceiling! Once again, Chuigi was unphased, as he figured it was another one of his drinking spells coming back to get him! Either way, he got the Ice Elemental Medal thingy!

"Hey, Chuigi! You can set stuff on ice now! **COOOOOOOOOL!"** E. Gadd called, then left!

Chuigi sighed. "Now what the hell can I do with a bunch of ice?"

**Teh Bathroom!**

_After sucking some stupid evil-hugging Duskulls, Chuigi notcied that there was a very sexy woman **WITH BIG BOOBS** taking a shower! The only thing keeping Chuigi from seeing her delightful chest was some wimpy shower curtain. Destroying it couldn't be easier; too bad Chuigi never figured out that if something's too good to be true, it usually is._

Chuigi pulled back the curtain with the P-3000, ready for some boobage, only to be drenched by a Blastoise's Hydro Pump. Most disappointing.

Chuigi shook the water off in a rage. "What the hell?"

"How dare you, you dirty little rat, you? A pervert, that's what you are!" the Blastoise, Miss Petunia lectured, making Chuigi more annoyed.

"Pervert? **_THAT'S AN INCOMPLETE INSULT!"_** Chuigi barked.

**_KSDLFHNVOOMGTEHPWNAGELOLOLOLGFMJEIPHUBMTKIJDFG!_** Chuigi sucked her up after icing her down, took the pearls, the key, and a douchebag he found in the sink.

**Teh Evil Room of Nana the Crazed Wobbuffet!**

_For some reason or other, Chuigi went into Teh Evil Room of Nana the Crazed Wobbuffet. This could be very good or very bad, depending on how you look at it. Unfortunately, in this case, it's very bad._

_Chuigi ignored the evil rocking chair in the middle of the room, assuming it was the ever loving-booze again. Instead, he took a look at the nearby yarn on a table. Ha ha! "Took" and "look" both rhyme! Ha ha! I'm freaked out now._

The very second Chuigi touched the yarn balls, they all rolled off and the madness **BEGAN! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

Nana stopped knitting and perked up! "Whuh? Eh?** MY BALLS!"**

Chuigi started laughing and pointed at the evil Wobbuffet, who was appearently evil. **"HAHAHAHA!** You're a woman and you said 'balls'! ...wait, are you a lesbo?"

Nana was outraged. **"WHAT?**

Chuigi was confused! "What?"

_Irritated, Nana decided to start up her evil rocking chair of doom and chase after Chuigi to punish him for what he did to her 'balls'! Too bad the chair was put in 'Netrual', so all it did was crash into the wall for some reason. Chuigi used this to his advantage and sucked her up, along with her pearls, the next key and her purse that was on the table. If you're going to be unoriginal, steal stuff from old ladies!_

**Teh Astral Hall!**

_Seeing he missed a room, Chuigi made his way to the Astral Hall, killed some ghosts for the 57,489th time, and did some shit that eventually led him into the other room. Let's all do the Chicken Dance!_

**Teh Observatory!**

_Upon walking into the messed up room, Chuigi saw nothing but a very exspenive-looking telescope! And that's a bad thing, too..._

Chuigi turned the thing over! "Sweet! I can sell this on the Black Market for, like, 85,598,985,895 dollars and no one would notice!"

_Just as Chuigi knocked down the telescope, the wall on the right disappeared and was replaced by the universe, rainbows, and singing bottles of alcohol! Then, an extremely milky Milky Way made a trail all the way to a cut-in-half moon with a red box on it!_

"I really need to cut back on the drinking..." Chuigi muttered, riding an evil, mallet-swinging penguin to the moon!

_Once he got there, he opened it up to find the rest of Pikario's items: a broken bottle of booze, a well-used condom, his Nintendo DS, and a 13-day old slice of pizza. Along with his hat, that was all of Pikario's lost items! How wonderful! Yeah, right..._

**Teh Billards Room!**

_Trudging back through the house, Chuigi ended up in teh Billards Room, which was bad for him, since he hated pool, the water kind and the game kind. Nonetheless, there was a Golduck ghost guy playing the idiotic game as Chuigi walked in._

The Golduck, Slim Bankshot, waved his stick... thing around in a threat. "You want some of this?"

"No," Chuigi plainly said, sucking him up. He got the goods and moved on!

**Teh Projection Room!**

_Chuigi was very annoyed at himself. Why did he even go into this room? There was nothing to get and a shitload of ghosts out to get him! The point of the room soon became clear as Chuigi defeated the beings from beyond and turned on the projector movie thingy. Getting out some strangely-placed popcorn, he sat down and watched **"Scary Movie 2"** and had fun! Yay!_

**Teh Twins' Room!**

_About 2 hours later, Chuigi had finished watching the movie and was now in teh Twins' Room! Oh joy!_

"This room totally sucks," Chuigi spat, looking at the kiddie toys and the bed. "Probably isn't shit in here!"

_Just then, the Twins with no name appeared!_

"What do you mean our room sucks?" one demanded.

"Our room rules!" the other said.

Chuigi shrugged. "It sucks. You guys don't even have a GameCube! Now, **_THAT'S_** stupid! And I mean that in a bad way."

"Shut up and play with us!" the 2 said, hiding in some GameCubes that magically appeared in the room!

_Chuigi turned on 2 random GameCubes, finding both of the Twins!_

One of them got mad! "Hey, I think this guy is cheating!"

"Let's kill him and eat his spleen!" the other growled.

"...or we can just kill him," the other suggested.

"Okay," the other agreed.

_So the strange, little Twins decided to attack Chuigi with a car! This didn't work, of course, because the car was out of gas! So, they tried to kill him with an airplane! But that didn't work either because neither one of them knew how to fly it, so they ended up crashing into the wall and knocking themselves out! Chuigi sucked them up, along with their car, airplane, some cash, and the 3 remaining GameCubes!_

**Teh Fortune-Teller's Room**

_Seeing as he hadn't gotten his revenge on Madame Clairvoya yet, he took a trip back to her room!_

Clairvoya saw him and instantly got pissed! "Do you have your brother's shit yet?"

Chuigi threw Pikario's shit all the table! "You want it? Here!"

Clairvoya sat up! "What the hell? I don't want this junk!"

"Too bad, now die!" Chuigi pulled out the P-3000 and squirted Clairvoya with the wettest water anywhere! ...or whatever...

**_"YOU LITTLE BRAT! I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU WHERE YOUR BROTHER WAS!"_** Clairvoya spat, soaked.

"I already know, but I wish I didn't!" Chuigi retorted.

_Yadda, yadda, yadda! Chuigi finally got his revenge and sucked up and captured Madame Clairvoya! Yay for him and his suckiness stuff!_

**Teh Safari Room!**

_Chuigi had to admit that he was getting tired of walking all over the house, but if it meant getting rid of a hangover that might eventually kill him, then it was well worth it! Finding teh Safari Room, Chuigi was starting to think that there was a fucking room for fucking everything! Who the hell would waste their time going out on a safari anyway? This is the future and 999999.9 percent of the people reading this are not in Africa! Chuigi did what he had been doing all night; suck up the randomly-placed ghosts, get some moolah, a Boo, and a key to teh Balcony!_

**Teh Balcony!**

_Chuigi's GBH went absolutely mad as he got to teh Balcony. Finally getting there, he saw why, too. There were 15 Boos all holding hands and going around in a circle, or something! It kinda looked like a retarded game of Ring Around the Rosy, or maybe it was some kind of gothic cult... Chuigi didn't know, or care!_

"Hey, look! It's Chuigi!" one Boo said.

Chuigi rolled his eyes. "How come everytime I see you guys, someone has to say that?"

The Boos all looked at one another! "We don't know!"

Chuigi sweatdropped. "That's just fucking great..."

"Who cares about that? Boos, let us assume our**_ REAL_** form and make Chuigi wet himself with fear!" the head Boo shouted.

"I have a paticularly strong bladder, you know!" Chuigi informed the Boos, who obviously didn't care!

_By this time, the Boos has becme Boolossus! He was a big-ass, scary, giant Boo that would kill Chuigi not by Licking him to death, or using Destiny Bond or something on him, but by bouncing aroung like a retard in an attempt to squish him... Now, Boos are cute and all, but that's just plain stupid..._

**"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"** Boolossus laughed, bouncing around randomly, "Chuigi will die tonight and we will feast on his appendix, which is a vestigial structure! **MWAHAHAHAHA!"**

_Chuigi sat beside one of the conveniently-placed Rapidash statues that were frozen somehow, waiting for Boolossus to pop himself on it like the idiot he was! It didn't take him very long to do so and Chuigi got all the Boos but one! **SHOWDOWN TIME!**_

The Boo hovered around. "Well, it looks like it's just you and me now..."

Chuigi spit on a Rapidash staue. "Yep."

_Then the two decided to charge at one another to see who wasthe strongest, once and for all! Chuigi had his P-3000 ready, while the Boo licked out his tongue dangerously! They got closer... and closer... _

_**AND CLOSER... **_

_**THEN...** _

_Chuigi sucked up the Boo. Simple, huh?_

_Chuigi also defeated the third boss with much ease and got the Blue Key for Area 4! Then, E. Gadd called!_

"Good work, Chuigi! Now, it's time to come back so we can talk about shit!"

* * *

_Back in the shack, Chuigi played **Paper Mario: TTYD** and defeated the last boss! Wow, what an honor!_

"Way to go, Chuigi," E. Gadd said. "Now only one Area is left and then you can save your brother!"

"More like save myself..." Chuigi muttered.

* * *

**Teh Secret Chamber of Secretness!**

Pikario glared at King Boo

King Boo glared back!

Pikario glared at King Boo

King Boo glared back!

Pikario glared at King Boo

King Boo glared back!

Pikario glared at King Boo

King Boo glared back!

Pikario blinked!

King Boo laughed!** "MWAHAHAHAHA!** I win! I am the staring contest master!"

Pikario rubbed his eyes. "No fair, damn it! You cheated!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes, you did!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes, you did!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes, you did!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes, you did!"

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** Gyah! I don't think I did very well in this Chapter, mostly because this is the point where the game gets ridiculously tedious. After Area 4 next chapter, the story will be over, but not before a random plot twist! Stay tuned to see if Chuigi saves his brother or suffers from an evil hangover! BTW, **Scary Movie 2** is only good when it's uncensored, so guess which one Chuigi saw..._


	5. The Rise and Fall, the Rise Again, and F...

_**Authoress' Notes: HIP HIP HOORAH!** Chapter 5 is finally here and that means the story's almost over! Also, as an added bonus, I will now throw in Epilogues for all my finished stories (not including one-shots, song-fics, or **"It's My Baby"**, because I lost all hope in it)! The Epilogue for this story will be paticularly short because of the lack of main characters, so it won't have its own chapter. W00t for me, so let's get this stuff over with!_

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**_Chuigi's Seriously Messed Up Mansion!_**

_**Chapter 5:** The Rise and Fall, the Rise Again, and Fall Again of King Boo!_

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_

_As Chuigi made his way back into the mansion, it finally dawned on him that he only had one more Area to go, then he could... do a lot of stuff that he wasn't supposed to be doing at night! **MWAHAHAHAHAHA!**_

**Area Four!**

**Teh Balcony!**

_Getting back up to teh Balcony, Chuigi used his third Big-Ass Boss Key to open the door! Yay! But then, BOOM! Lightning struck the house and the freaking light went out! Well, now... crap!_

E. Gadd called Chuigi on the GBH! "Hey, man! The lights just went out! Ghosts will be everywhere until you turn them back on! **_QUICK, DO SOMETHING! _**Oh, yeah! And there's this guy called Unlce Grimmly who's really easy to captutre and he likes rooms with mirrors, so now would be a good time to go and find him! He's in teh Wardrobe Room!"

"I thought that guy liked mirrors! Why isn't he somewhere like, oh, I don't know... **_TEH MIRROR ROOM?"_** Chuigi asked, annoyed at such a stupid ghost!

E. Gadd shrugged. "How am I supposed to know? I keep ghost _paintings_, not the actual ghosts!"

_Just then, a shitload of ghosts appeared out of nowhere!_

"Aw, shit!" Chuigi sucked up about 43,848 ghosts, then ran inside!

**Teh 3rd Floor West Wing!**

_Chuigi saw an unlocked door! And 1,354,564 ghosts! Guess what happened? That's right! The cheese **DID** eat his socks!_

**Teh Telephone Room!**

Chuigi sighed. "Telephone Room? What the fuck is wrong with you people? I hate telephones!

_**RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING!** A telephone went off!_

Chuigi ran over and snatched it up! "What the hell do you want?"

"Is this Bowser?" someone asked!

"Yeah, and he wants to suck your blood! _**MWAHAHAHAHA!"**_ Chuigi lied!

_**"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!**_ Okay! Um, well, in case this is really Chuigi and not Bowser, the main power light switch thingy is down in the basement and I went by it like, 1,000 times, but I was too lazy to turn it on and all the Shroomishes are hiding cause we're a bunch of spineless wimps, so can you go and turn on lights? Please?" Then, the Shroomish hung up!

_Chuigi hung up, too! But just as he did, millions of ghosts filled the room and started chasing after him! **IT WAS MADNESS! **Gastlys, Hanters, Gengars, Shuppets, Misdreavus, Duskulls, Dusclops, Banettes, and even Sableyes! Now, what the hell are **THEY** doing here?_

**Teh Wardrobe Room!**

_The madness continued on until Chuigi somehow managed to get back to teh Wardrobe Room were E. Gadd said Grimmly was!_

Uncle Grimmly sat in front of the mirror, talking to himself! "Why am I in here? **_WHY AM IN HERE?_** I like _**MIRRORS**_ and there's one here, but why am I not in the _**MIRROR**_ Room? It's the best damn room in the house!"

"I don't know! Maybe you're retarded!" Chuigi answered, sucking him up! He got the key to teh Breaker Room! YEAH!

**Teh Breaker Room!**

_Chuigi ran towards teh Breaker Room, with, like, a billion ghosts following! Good thing for him that they all disappeared the second he flipped the switch and the lights came back on!_

**Teh Clockwork Room!**

Chuigi walked in and scowled. "I hate these stupid wind-up things..."

_Chuigi decided that if he hated wind-up toys, then he could break them! So, he did! ...or at least he would've if he had noticed the ghostly Regice, Registeel, and Regirock, AKA, the Clockwork Soldiers, standing guard in the middle of the room! He just thought they were life-sized!_

_The Regirock walked up behind Chuigi and hit him in the head!_

Chuigi got pissed and started to say something, but then he stopped when he noticed who smacked him! "What the hell? You guys can't be ghosts! You're, like, legendary robots, or something!"

Regirock looked at Regice, who just shrugged, and Registeel went charging toward Chuigi!

Chuigi scampered away! "Dude, what the fuck?"

_After watching the two run around for a bit, Regice and Regirock joined in on chasing Chuigi around the room! This went on for hours, occasionally turning into lunch breaks, drinking binges, and staring contests, which Chuigi always lost, because the Regis can't blink!_

_Then, Registeel tripped on Regice, who in turn, fell on Regirock! Seeing that the trio weren't chasing him anymore, Chuigi sucked them up! The lights came on and a Boo named Boocaster told him that tomorrow's forecast would probably be crappy, but Chuigi sucked him up, then snooped around and ended up going to teh Roof!_

**Teh Roof!**

_Chuigi went to teh Roof, did some stuff, gots lotsa moolah, and the headed for teh Armory, since he had found the key for it! He went into teh Sealed Room and got the key for teh Sitting Room, but nobody cares about that!_

**Teh Sitting Room!**

_You know the drill by now! Kill ghosts, catch Boo, get shit!_

**Teh Guest Room!**

_**OHMUHGAWD!** The room is, like, upside down!** OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**_

"Sweet! I'm on the ceiling! Must be the booze!" Chuigi walked around on the ceiling like an idiot, making a sleeping Munchlax angry!

_**"DOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOT DISTURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRB!"**_ she bellowed!

"Don't tell me what to do, brat!" Chuigi squirted Sue Pea with water and she got _**PISSED!**_

_**"MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUST SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!"**_ she boomed!

"Fine, then!" So, Chuigi sucked her up just like that! She can sleep as much as she wants now! There was a key on the ceiling, but Chuigi used the power of intoxication to get it! Catch the Boo and go teh Armory!

**Teh Armory!**

_The room was dark, but Chuigi that there were a lot of Skarmory armor plates around! Big whoop! Chuigi got the ghosts and went into the next room!_

**Teh Ceramics Studio!**

_Chuigi instantly got pissed when he only saw crappy jars littering the room and was almost about to leave when Jarvis came up!_

**_"BOYO! BOYO! BOYO! BOYO!"_** he sang, like some kind of crazy, retarded hippie on crack, or something!

"Dude, shut up!" Chuigi shouted!

"Boyo! Okay! 'ey, boyo, catch me with ice as I pop out of these 'ere jars, BOYO!" So, Jarvis hid in a jar!

_Sighing, Chuigi went over to the same jar Jarvis hid in and froze it seven times! Then, Jarvis popped out again!_

"BOYO! Uh-uh, no way, man! You cheated! BOYO!" he shouted! Then he used the **_AWESOME POWER OF THE JARS_** to kill Chuigi!

_Yawning, Chuigi watched as the jars all crashed into the wall behind him and shattered! Then he calmly went over to Jarvis and sucked him up! **BOYO! THAT WAS EASY! **He got a Boo, a key to teh Pipe Room, and **MONEY!**_

**Teh Pipe Room!**

_Chuigi walked in, ignoring the awful smell of crap going through the pipes, killed some Duskulls, caught a Boo, and froze some water just beacuse he was bored! In doing so, the pipe froze and Chuigi found the key to teh Cold Storage Room Thingy behind a waterfall of shit! Well, if that ain't the shit!_

**Teh Cold Storage Room Thingy!**

The instant Chuigi walked in, he shivered! **_"DAMN! IT IS STUPID COLD IN HERE!"_**

_Making his way around Chuigi saw ice, ice, ice, more ice, ice that looked kinda like Abraham Lincoln, more ice, some ice over there, a fireplace, icicles, ice cubes, and a Snorunt frozen in ice! How lovely!_

_Chuigi was bored and didn't know what else to do, so he sucked up some fire and melted the Snorunt! It's a shame that Chuigi didn't think about how much Snorunts **HATE** Fire, since they're Ice types, and all..._

**_"HEY! HEY! HEY!"_** the Snorunt complained! "What the hell? Who do you think you are, coming in here and melting poor, little Snorunts? We have feelings, too!"

"Apparently, I don't care about your feelings!" Chuigi said.

"Then, take THIS!" the Snorunt used Blizzard! ...or was it Icy Wind? Eh, well, he did something and a lot of ice was everywhere and stuff!

"Dude, don't fuck with me!" Chuigi used the P-3000 and used Fire Blast on the Snorut, who was really Sir Wiston! Duh!

**_"DNJKFRHGFKLDRWEIOTFRDJGFKLGVTHEICECLIMBERSAREREALLYCOOLANDILIKETHEMJTF!"_** Sir Winston shouted, as Chuigi reversed the P-3000's suction and captured him! His prizes were: a Boo, a key to teh Artist's Studio, and a shitload of ice! **LET US GO PAINT NOW!**

**Teh Artist's Studio!**

_Upon walking in, Chuigi saw a lot of crappy drawings all over the place and a disgruntled Smeargle trying to draw a Ditto! It ended up looking like a Groudon!_

"Dude, you suck..." Chuigi snorted.

The Smeargle turned around! _**"SILENCE!**_ For I, the great Vincent Van Gore, will now cut off my own ear!"

Chuigi sweatdropped. "Okay?"

_Van Gore took a knife and sliced off his ear! Blood went flying everywhere!_

Chuigi frowned. "Eww, dude..."

Vincent Van Gore waved his paintbrush tail around! "Now, fear my evil paintings of watercolor **_DOOMINGNESS!"_**

"Doomingness, nothing!" Chuigi retorted!

_He used the P-3000 to squirt the ghost paintings with water! Since they were watercolors they, like, melted and stuff!_

Van Gore cut off his other ear! _**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**_ My paintings! GAH! I should've used Crayola instead!"

"I still would've pwned your ass, anyway!" Chuigi sucked up the Smeargle guy, got a key, caught a Boo called Bootique, and was finally ready to fight the Final Boss! YAY!

**Teh Basement!**

_Well, this was it! No turning back now! Chuigi marched onwards down the corridor of teh Basement, ready to fight King Boo! How he knew all this, I'm not sure, but the point is that he did and he was going to overcome his looming hangover once and for all! Of course, he wasn't planning on saving Pikario anytime soon!_

**Teh Secret Chamber of Secretness!**

Chuigi walked in and addressed King Boo! "Hey, you!"

King Boo didn't turn around! "Ah, yes! My Pikario painting is as shitty as the real thing; **JUST HOW I LIKE IT!** Now, I hear that the little brother is here to save Pikario! How... amusing... **MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"**

"I'm not trying to save Pikario! I just want cash, chicks, and this sweet-ass mansion!" Chuigi explained!

King Boo chuckled. "Yeah, right!"

Chuigi lowered his ears. "No, dude, it's true... I don't want Pikario's ass!"

**_"BLEH!"_** King Boo turned around and his tongue was, like, hanging out and stuff! **_"ENOUGH OF THIS! PIKARIO IS DEAD AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_**

"I'm not dead, man..." Pikario frowned, still inside the painting!

"SHUT UP!" King Boo roared! "Either way, I'm going to kill both of you because **_I AM THE KING!"_**

Chuigi flipped him off! "I'd like to see you try!"

**_"VERY WELL, THEN!"_** King Boo flew into Pikario's picture, and then Bowser appeared and **_HE STARTED TO SUCK UP CHUIGI_****_! OMGTHATSNOTGOODLOLFRUITLOOPSAREVERYNASTYLIKECHEESEFLAVOREDCARDBOARD!_**

**Teh Roof (Again)!**

_**THE ROOF! THE ROOF! THE ROOF IS ON FIRE!** Naw, not really. But the background was, and that's pretty close! Chuigi sat on teh Roof, confused, but then "Bowser" came out of nowhere and almost landed on him! HOLY SHIT!_

**_"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"_** Bowser roared!

Chuigi held his nose! "Pee-yew, man! Ever heard of a breath mint?"

**_"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" _**Bowser charged for Chuigi, but he ran into a pillar and died!

King Boo fell out of the Bowser costume and onto the ground! "OW! Stupid costume! I can't even steer the damn thing!"

Chuigi sucked him up! "Well, that was easy!"

**Teh Secret Chamber of Secretness!**

**KABOOOOOOOM!** Chuigi was back in teh Secret Chamber of Secretness with Pikario flipped upside down in his picture!

Then, E. Gadd decided to call! "My word, Chuigi! That had to be the stupidest win I've ever seen! Now grab Pikario and bring him to me! I'll see what I can with him!"

Chuigi grabbed Pikario and ran back to E. Gadd's shack! "Sure! Do whatever you want, just don't bring him back to life!"

* * *

Back in E. Gadd's shack, the little Spinda turned all the ghost back into paintings! "There we are! Back to the gallery you go! Ohohoho!" 

"Splendid!" Priss said happily, while Chuigi shrugged.

"Here, take the money, if you want! I don't need it because I'll always treasure my ghosts! Ohohoho! Now, are you sure you don't want Pikario back to normal?" E. Gadd asked Chuigi one last time!

"Yes, I'm sure! Now, if you'll excuse me..." Chuigi turned ans headed for the door, but he tripped over the P-3000 and hit the Reverse button on the Ghost Portrait...**THINGY!**

**KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**

Chuigi fell on the ground! "Ow! What the fuck was that?"

His question was answered as Pikario grabbed him by the neck and shook him! "'Do whatever you want, just don't bring him back to life!' Really, now?"

**"PIKARIO?"** Chuigi was shocked!

E. Gadd scratched his head! "It seems that you fell on the Reverse button, so Pikario went froma portrait... to this!"

"Yeah?" Tears started to fall from Chuigi's eyes!

"Aw, that's sweet! He's crying in joy over his big brother's return!" Priss said!

**_"NOOOO! I'M CRYING BECAUSE I WAS THIS CLOSE TO GETTING RID OF PIKARIO AND NOW I'M STUCK WITH HIM FOREVER!"_** Chuigi bailed!

Pikario laughed and kicked Chuigi in the head! "Damn! It's good to be back again!"

* * *

_**AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE EPILOGUE! YAY!**_

**_-Pikario_** went back to his house and started doing all the stuff he usually does; shooting stuff, getting drunk, peeing on people's house, and committing arson 9 times a week! As far as he was concerned, the whole "Oh no, I was captured by Boos and held against my will in an evil painting" bit was nothing more than a bad dream, or a hallucination... or something...

**_-Chuigi_** was furious to know that Pikario was alive and living with him again, but he eventually got over it! This was mostly because he used all the money he found in the mansion to go and buy himself a car and hot chicks to ride around with! W00T! I guess Chuigi got his happy ending after all!

**_-E. Gadd_** continued his research along with Priss about ghosts and Boos and stuff! To this very day, just about everything he does and sayshas something to do with a ghosts in some way or fashion! Now, **_that's_** dedication! Chuigi left his mansion for the taking and, because of that, it was still technically haunted! So, E. Gadd still lives in his shack and occasionally spends the night in the mansion!

**_-King Boo_** escaped the P-3000 the very second Pikario & Chuigi left! Releasing the other 50-something Boos as well, he, Bowser, and an extremely large assortment of random bad guys that have face Pikarioare now currently trying to take over the world with some stupid idea that will never, ever work in 1,000 years! (Like training a Cheep-Cheep to eat trees so that the resulting toothpicks will stab and kill people!)

**_-Priss_** is currently sleeping supended animation somewhere, after falling off teh Roof of Chuigi's Mansion and cracking her skull open! What she was doing up there in the first place is a mystery to all! Chances are, she'll never be heard from again...

_**-The Gallery Ghosts**_ are still trapped in their paintings to this very day!

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** Well, that's it! Story over! Now that this is done with, I can update my old, dusty stories and even write some new ones! Go, me! Also, I got my lazy ass to play "Luigi's Mansion" (I'm on Area 4 and I just caught the Clockwork Soldiers) and I found out that the twins mentioned earlier **DO **have names; Henry and Orville! So, um, those are the names of the twin Abras, as well._


End file.
